Just keep BRAINS!

Cemetary-Travels and the life of a german Darkling.

Tag: family

2017 resolutions! & 2016 Recap!

Hey there, Internet and happy new year!

2017, Year of the rooster, wondering what you have in stores for us? 2016 to me had more negative aspects than any other year I can remember, not talking about the millions of celebrity deaths but about my many many wrong decisions and trusting people I should not have trusted, spending energy, emotions and money on people and for things that I could have invested better, but well, guess I needed that experience to learn something? Good things though are the new job and new flat, I finally have a place where I feel home (this most probably will not last forever since I know I am a ‘city person’ and one day I will move to 500k+ again but well, for now!). Really trying to focus on the good things for 2017, online and in real life. I want to spend some quality time with people I love and add something to that pile of memories, will continue to work on myself and see what will happen.

1701 newyear plans resolutions

this was not new years firework but humm…

Plans / Wishes / Resolutions / ToDos for 2017!

list-bat-png Blog: I need to get back into my posting schedule for sure, am kind of annoyed that I didn’t manage to do this yet because I let things getting me down. Everything else can’t be predicted I guess. Maybe though will swith to every 4th day instead of 3 because of travelling…

list-bat-png Will be working on my Youtube channel as well as my Etsy shop which probably will be started in February when Justkeepbrains will celebrate its next Blogversary. But not 100% sure on that yet, some time next year and very slowly, Blog comes first.

list-bat-png Events: Wave Gotik Treffen, Autumn Moon Festival and maybe a third one, I have a long weekend off work each month so there probably will be some concerts or clubbing nights as well! Most probably Berlin Area because the end of 2016 brought some nice people from there into my live!

list-bat-png Work: Hoping to stay in the new job for the year, love the work (intensive care again), the workmates are amazing, I can work additional hours to earn some more and in March I start a postgraduate training that I really am looking forwards to!

list-bat-png Batfit & health: Well, it is about time, the progress I made before moving are long forgotten and my clothes don’t fit as good anymore, of course already started again but since we are talking resolutions I thought I woudl mention. Detailed post at the end of the month again. I also want to learn more about gluten free cooking so I can have more than ‘salad’.

list-bat-png Family and friends: I want to meet my mom at least twice this year, maybe she also wants to come to Oldenburg for some vacation since it is pretty close to the coast! Even though I am looking for new friends over here I definitely will travel through Germany and meet my friends there as well.

list-bat-png My Cave: That’s the first thing I want to finish this year, hopefully within the first half. Trying for that ‘everything is finished’ feeling so the time I spend in this city will feel home. Afterwards the money will be spent on my car as well as trying to save up so in case of sudden gypsie feet I would be able to move again.

What are your thoughts of 2016, plans and wishes for 2017? Have a nice evening!


Random 16-12

Hey there, Internet!

Last monthly post of the year, last whatever post of the year on justkeepbrains.com, looking forwards to a more active 2017, hopefully without any breaks, with some interesting topics and I will try my best to really add the youtube contents that I’ve planned so many times before, same with my etsy shop… Enjoy your New Years eve, I hope you can spend it with the people you love and see you in a hopefully less negative year 2017!

Monthly Post of Random Pictures / Thoughts & Questions / Links and other things that happened during the past month (or since writing last random post) and would not fit into another post…

1612 random gothic medieval chainmail crafting diy knitting 1612 random gothic selfie gothgoth fledermausbrille glasses fuck mittelfingermittwoch piercings 1612 random nature weather rainbow winter germany

left: working on my chainmail dress again, put on too much weight since I started working on it a few years ago so starting over. center: my opinion on 2016. right: amazingly bright rainbow, guess December already shows how good 2017 CAN become!

Maybe these thoughts / questions would be useful as inspiration or someone knows the answer? (If none of these, hopefully at least they would be entertaining.)

list-bat-png Dyeing / bleaching back to platin blonde bit by bit (roots and a few streaks at once) and so far am happy with how my hair reacts to the bleach. Already feel more like myself again and please, someone remind me if I ever want to dye black that I did not like it, that I looked like my mom (as mentioned before, nothing against her but I don’t have to look like a younger version of an already existing person)
list-bat-png I saw a documentation where someone said that when fashion industry introduced standard sizes it was the actual start of people feeling bad in their bodies because they usually would simply not fit 100% so something on their bodies always would be too thin, too wide, too whatever.
list-bat-png Signed up for amazon prime, sometimes I just don’t have enough time to drive to the dvd store and while there probably is nothing that annoys me as much as regular TV sometimes you just need moving pictures instead of music and sometimes my laptop only wants a few programs to be open at the same time-
list-bat-png Did a trip to Berlin with one of those car sharing portals, this way it was cheap and ‘ok’ so probably will do this sometimes again (update: two trips are planned for January)! And yes, it felt good to be in Berlin and I had really nice company, movies and great food!

And here are my most favourite / inspiring posts from other blogs / websites this month:

list-bat-png The herdless witch launched her ebook, sons and daughters of perdition
list-bat-png Bane from Goth it yourself did a great post about her thoughts on blogging that got me and a lot of other people thinking…

Most played songs this month:

list-bat-png Sex Gang Children – Sebastian
list-bat-png L’ame Immortelle – Stern
list-bat-png Anne Marie Hurst – Your Eyes
list-bat-png Cynical Existence – I’m broken
list-bat-png Agonoize – Femme Fatale

What has been inspiring for you this December or 2016 in general? Any plans for January / 2017? Have a nice evening, see you next year! Please remember when celebrating with fireworks that it can be pretty scary to animals, maybe there is a way you can reduce it?


18 years without you.

Hey there, dad!

Today is a very personal post, the usual greeting would not feel right and had to be replaced for one post. Feel free to skip this post if you get triggered easily by reading about family, mental health, depression, suicide, losing people you love.

18 years ago I lost one of the biggest influences, role model in so many ways. 18 years ago my father did his third suicide attempt. His final, successful one. First one was when I just started school, hitting a tree with a car, second was cutting his wrists artery, third one was like the first one but obviously hit harder when I just had turned 11 years old. People always say the pain will fade, to me it does not. Of course there are days when it does not hurt but no day will pass that I won’t think about him. He is with me, in a way, wherever I am and you will find me asking him for advice in moments of silence.

1606 18yearswithoutyou mourning family

Even if it would not be on my minds, being biologically related we have the same crooked pinky fingers, the same tiny jawbones and our faces look similar as well. And since he always was a huge role model, inspiration for me I often find myself showing a similar behaviour. Those tiny moments that make you smile, as they say a person is only really dead if noone remembers them anymore.

He was raised in a tiny city in the ruhr area, by a mother who was nice and loving but would fight for what she thought was right and an equally nice father. Let’s say they had clear male / female roles but both strong characters. His name was Fredi, born September, 13th. Virgo. A typical one. A person who could spend hours with his miniature railway, never be satisfied with the details of the houses or surroundings one could buy in stores, DIYing them himself instead. A person who would create garden patches in perfect 90° angles, who would call so many everyday things by their chemical names, who would be an intelligent and thoughtful mind, maybe sensitive, even though he would not show if something upset or hurt him. I wonder if that was one of the reasons he made his masters degree in chemistry or if that degree made him become the typical virgo, the hard working perfectionist I remember?

With that background I understand his tendency for depression, I understand why he did this to himself. He thought he was responsible for keeping the good financial situation of the family, having only a temporary contract at work, he probably was afraid of not being good enough in his own standards. The bosses assured him he would get a new contract after that one but for someone who has a tendency for depression this is something that those demons will stick to until they destroy you. Of course I wish this would not have happened, that somehow the therapies would have helped better, that he still would be here in person. Then again I never had to argue with him during my teenager days, did not hurt him by some puberty behaviour.

I also never saw my parents fight and according to my mom they only had one argument, maybe those moments when both had different opinions but they always found a solution without arguing. Probably what one would call the perfect relationship. He worked a lot, so the time we spent as family was rare but always filled with excitement, never boring. I wonder how he managed to be that full of energy, when there was a day off or some spare time in the afternoon we often went to amusement parks, worked in the garden, learned new things the entertaining way, played board games and talked.

So today being June, 15th it was 18 years ago, in 1998, that a policeman rang our doorbell a few minutes before I had to leave for school, my mom said nothing bad had happened but I am sure she knew what had happened and just sent me to school to be strong for telling me the bad news when I return home. She thought. I knew by the look on her face, by the look on the policeman’s face and by the horrible pain in my stomach that this was not true, that it had to be something really bad.

I often wonder what he would think about my behaviour, my life, my whatever or if he would have some advice to share. Wonder how he would be like today, in a world that has changed so much. He sometimes played Nintendo 64 with me, would he like online games or social media sites? I know he would like to teach me about photography, it was one thing he liked a lot. As you can immagine, there would be a million things I would like to ask him or things I would like to enjoy with him, places to show and all that. That early loss of my dad probably taught me a lot about life though. We have to show the people we love how much we care for them before it is too late. Give them that hugs that you would like to, ask them your questions, spend time together. Life is short and you never know how short it actually is before it is too late. Sure, if you are like me you believe in some kind of connection even after a loved one passed away but still it will never be the same again.

Those 18 years without you often were really painful but I am sure you are still with me, one way or another. See you again, one day. ❤

In case that you read through this entire article, there has been another soul-strip post a few months back: Goth and Depression?


Places: Heidepark Soltau, Halloweeks 2015!

Hey there, Internet!

On their instagram Heide Park Soltau (facebook) asked everyone to share their Halloween adventures with them so sure, here are a few pictures of October, 29th when I went to the biggest theme park in northern Germany! When some friends of mine decided they wanted to go there for the Halloween specials (Halloweeks) and asked me if I wanted to join I immediatly bought my ticket. Their Halloween special 2015 was from October 17th-31st, the entire park would be covered in spooky decoration, there would be a medieval fair and a lot of specials – as well as the park being opened much longer (until 9pm, some days 10pm!) so one would be able to ride on the rollercoasters in the dark!

1511 travel places heidepark soltau germany halloween halloweeks jackolantern decoration pumpkin spooky eyes1511 travel places heidepark entertainment theme park halloweeks1511 travel places germany heidepark soltau sculpted angel halloweeks halloween theme park

I think the last time I’ve been there was about 10 years ago and so I was a bit scared if all those amazing memories were real or just some romantic sparkling childhood imagination of mini me. When we arrived at the parking lot though everything was naturally covered in golden fallen leafs, the park itself as promised was covered in beautiful Halloween decorations, Sculpted angels, Jack-O-Lanterns, Spiderwebs, Glow-in-the-dark Eyes and everything you could wish for so even for those who do not dare to go on a rollercoaster ride there would be enough to see to not get bored. To be honest I was not sure if my stomach would be willing to face the extreme rollercoasters with loopings and all that or the freefall tower but in the end I managed to survive those as well. Not just me, also my hair which got a lot of people (visitors and employees) laughing – anyone knows that 3-Wetter-Taft commercial? There should be one for Balea Ultra Power! A lot of people also seemed to have thought I was an employee there, so many pictures were taken but well, it was a fun day!

1511 travel places germany theme park heidepark soltau halloween halloweeks night light rollercoaster1511 travel places germany heide park soltau theme park halloweeks halloween night light rollercoaster 1511 halloween themepark germany heidepark soltau rollercoaster halloweeks night light autumn

Anyways, we went there on a beautiful misty day but still, everything became even more beautiful when the night set in and there was light everywhere! In the evening there also was some firework but we already were at the car by then, next time!

Maybe Heidepark is not as huge as those Disney entertainment parks or Six Flags but still worth visiting, especially during those Halloweeks, for families as well as for Halloween or theme park fanatics! The only things Iwas sad about was the very limited range of gluten free things to eat (yes, sorry I prefer to not get migraines) and facing another medieval fair where the salesman did not have Wikingerblut available (Viking’s blood, mead with cherry, one of the most delicious things ever) and that I was too late for the waterslide, still not complaining, enough things were done that day!

Are there any other theme parks besides Disney & Heidepark that have Halloween specials? Have a nice evening!

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